


In Trouble

by mhunter10



Series: Call Me Private Gallagher [5]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, private gallagher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-11 03:25:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhunter10/pseuds/mhunter10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~week 4- Ian finds he's starting to lose himself and find himself at the same time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Trouble

I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.

I thought I was cut out for all this shit, but now I just don’t know.

And it’s hard when I keep getting texts from the people I care about, even if they came later than I thought they would. I suppose that is the result of me being a fucking idiot.

There’s only so many times a day I can hide out in the gym and work my muscles until I can’t even feel them anymore. I don’t care if I break my fingers, if it keeps me from texting them back.

Fi, Mandy…even Mickey.

Ignoring them is probably making things a lot worse for me, but I can’t seem to make myself stop.

It’s like I’m losing control of myself.

Everyone’s starting to notice. It’s not like it’s difficult when the guy all set to be ranked up, suddenly starts missing morning runs and failing tests.

Sometimes I feel bad when I’m an asshole to my team, but most of the time I feel like I’m finally being at least a little like myself, instead of the guy they think I am.

Knowing Lip, he’s probably majorly fucked shit up by now and is thinking of bailing like he always does when things aren’t easy for him. Fucking pussy.

But I can’t help but keep thinking I want to take a page from his book.

After all, you can’t take the Southside out of a Gallagher.

I just got back from another meeting about my “behavior as of late”, and I can’t remember a time when I cared so little about the rules or any of that crap about serving this great country. Most of the higher up here are a bunch of pricks, anyway. They don’t tell you about the, perfectly legal, psychological hazing in the pamphlets. Reminds me of that bathroom scene in Full Metal Jacket. Sometimes I dream I’m Private Pyle sitting on that toilet, and I can’t even get out of my bunk. Can’t even move or breathe.

I think the worst part about all this is that I can’t honestly say I did this all for me.

I think that’s enough to drive anyone crazy, right?

Either way, I think my time here is coming to an end.

I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I have to get out of here.

If I’m going to be in trouble, might as well make it double.

\- Ian C. Gallagher


End file.
